in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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