Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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