You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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