I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
