Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Someone signed my nipple.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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