You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize