We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
