I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize