I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
