It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
