Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
