We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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