so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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