I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
