he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
