Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
