wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize