As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
