My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
