He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
