Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
