Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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