My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
