I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
