I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
