The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
