Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
