had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
