you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
