Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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