I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
