I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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