Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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