it hurts more in the daytime
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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