JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
