We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
