And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
