So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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