Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
