he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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