Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize