whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
