She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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