and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
