I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
