dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
