Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
