After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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