Banned from zoo.
Again?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
