i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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