new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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