I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
