I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
