i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
