My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
