her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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