Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
