Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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