i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
