I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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