So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
