I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
