Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
