i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
