So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We need to rekindle our bromance
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize