He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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