turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We're too hungover to prance.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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